Redbud Leaves While Riding The Waves Of My Bipolar Mind

This was not the drawing I began after the Hosta Leaf of my last post. I had a good reference of a Junco in snow, but I couldn’t concentrate on drawing it. I’ve drawn so much during my lifetime that I could use my drawing concentration level as a barometer of my mood if I was smart enough, but evidently, I’m not that smart. The lack of concentration was the first warning sign that my moods were about to swing again, and it took me by surprise, as it always does.

I mentioned in my last post that I’m Bipolar, and now I’m especially glad I did that. I have Bipolar II. It gives you mood swings that aren’t as severe as the type Bipolar I gives you, but they can still hijack your life with a hypomanic up-swing followed by depression. This particular hijacking isn’t as severe as some, and my doctor and I are trying to ride it out without a medication change, so I’m writing to you from within the last dregs of a low.

My hypomania always takes the form of many bright and shiny ideas, which can be a lot of fun. However, there are always way too many ideas for me to accomplish in a lifetime, let alone the time I have left in mine! And sometimes they come in popcorn bursts at firework intensity, so it’s all I can do to take good notes. I have a sketchbook brimming over with bright and shiny ideas.

I’ve made a pact with myself never to alter an existing drawing while in hypomania, because I’ve destroyed a few pieces by experimenting on them while in that state. So, I only sketch out new ideas or start new projects, sometimes lots and lots of new projects, while my turbojets are blasting from a hypomania energy blitz.

The Composition
I found this composition of Redbud leaves while using various filters to browse through my photos. I especially like poster art and Pop art filters for finding good abstract compositions that I normally miss. Good composition starts with good abstract design.

Hypomanic Hatching
If you’re a regular reader of my blog, you probably picked up right away that the texture of this drawing is not my usual blended hatch. As a matter of fact, it’s not blended at all. Hello hypomania!

I sketched the reference onto my good Arches paper and jumped right in, committing to this hatch technique without even trying some experimental trials first. (That is not my modus operandi.)

I use this hatch for sketching because it’s quick, but I had never tried to refine it for use in a full-fledged drawing before. In my hypomanic state, I was excited to see how this hatch might create sculpted form, and I was also interested in how it might limit detail. I was a mixed bag of creative expectation.

The Shading Was Surprising
I wanted to see if I could push this hatching to create finer detail and still retain the texture of the paper. It was easy to do by simply using harder grades of pencil. I just used a duller point than usual so that the points didn’t fill in the grain of the paper.

I had to ‘tap’ the drawing gently with a kneaded eraser to lighten an area. Too much touching with any eraser smeared the texture, so I could either erase an area completely or lighten it a little bit, and not too much in-between.

Stems and Background Detail
Originally, I thought that I would darken the leaf in the bottom back-left corner with soft dark leads to indicate it was in the background, but it didn’t turn out that way. I needed to use mid-range hard pencils with slightly sharper (but still rounded) points to darken it. The texture is the same as the main leaf, and the hatching created with the harder leads shows no difference at all besides being darker in value.

I Had Problems
Notice how the stem that runs across the top leaf has some problems with reality? This rather mind-bending situation is caused by a tiny bit of shading. The highlight above the stem doesn’t match the highlight below, and Shazam, the stem is suddenly embedded in the leaf!

I also had a problem between the leaves, as you can see. I thought that spider web-like detail looked good on my original plan, but now it just seemed weird. To fix it, I put in an angled stem that added a little detail to that area without overwhelming it. You’ll see it in the next scan.

I decided that I do like this hatching technique, and I’ll probably try it again on the right drawing. It gave the leaves amazing texture and added interest to this drawing.

However, at the end of this drawing I find myself listless instead of energized and ready to start my next piece as I usually am. I think this is because I miss my old technique, or it could be that I’m not completely out of my depression. At any point in a Bipolar mood swing, though, it’s hard to work out these subtle mental details.

I do know that my brush blended technique creates a look that I crave. It’s soft, and gentle, and I do believe it’s what I’m here on earth to do. Believe me, it’s not easy to create a spot of gentleness in this harsh world, but I keep trying to do it anyway.

The Mood Swing Has Finally Run Its Course
I’ve chosen a reference for my next drawing, and my enthusiasm has been building as I’ve worked out the composition and transferred the line drawing to my Arches paper. After eight weeks or so, I’m finally starting to feel like myself again. But moods are fragile when you are Bipolar, so I’ll keep drawing because it keeps me sane, and I’ll keep you posted because I love to.

You must keep drawing too, because it matters so very much,
Carol

Author: Carol

I'm an artist, an accidental author, and lover of life. I grew up in Yorktown, Indiana, and I've been writing (and drawing) this website since 1999. View all posts by Carol